The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
