Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
