I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
