Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
