I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i love accidental penises.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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