can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
