Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
