yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
