I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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