even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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