I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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