As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Drunk is not a location!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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