He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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