Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize