i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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