I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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