do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize