we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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