Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
