And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
