she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
