K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
