So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
