You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
