My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
