He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
