I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
