Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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