he told me I talked like a deaf person
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize