My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
