I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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