I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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