she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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