I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
