I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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