Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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