It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
