Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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