planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
