they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
