I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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