Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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