Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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