i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
