How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
