kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
