Swine flu. Run for my life!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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