This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Say something about gay babies.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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