If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
