You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
