I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
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Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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