hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
