Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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