I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
