I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
