I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize