How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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