why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
